Its 3:25 in the morning, and as usual I’m trying to sleep. Watching ‘Courage, the Cowardly Dog’ on Cartoon Network!! Though I’m really not sure if I’m watching it. Its almost a clear sky. Can see so many sparkling stars. Oh… those guys just made Courage the Sheriff. It’s a little cold, and I’m in my shorts and t-shirt, sitting on the clod stairs. Thinking, if I should really be thinking!!
I should have gone to DAV to get my pass certificate. Its been long, I haven’t talked to most or I shall say all of my friends!! Should have called them!! Why the hell is this site(orkut) not responding?? May be I have a reply. Reply, this late, I don’t think so!! But I’m worried. Should I really be worried?? I don’t think so. Some how I am.. hope you are fine!!
Sitting here I realize that I'm not me any more. but did I really wanted to change? No! I was so happy being me!! As Kody defines(even though he hardly knows me), a 'happy go lucky weirdo!!' lol. Weird, it really is. Just about a week back, I was some one else, and now!! I don't even know myself anymore. Angry, frustrated, don't feel like talking to any one, whining!! And I'm not liking it!!
Aah... its 3:35 now. Ed, Edd and Eddy. Never liked this cartoon much. Its strange, I'm sitting outside and watching TV through the window of our living room!! I dont feel like going inside to change the channel. Its so suffocating in there. i'm shivering now. I wonder if I'd be writting, how would my handwriting turn out?? I can hardly type!! Stupid thing to wonder about!! I think this entire post is stupid. And still, I dont stop typing. And I'm quite sure, I'd put up this post on my blog!! Another stupidity, but atleast I know I'm on my way to being my 'normal' self!!lol
'I'm in love with a stripper' (T Pain), the song's just ending. I really like its tune. Really melodious and sweet...
Aah... My favorite now - Behind blue eyes.. OK, I have to admit, cant take the cold anymore and I really need a hot cup of coffee. I think I'll move inside. I'll open the window beside the settee(where i sleep these days), in the living room!!
Almost 4 now, and I have my mug of black coffee with me. The stupid site is still not responding!! I'm quite snugly wrapped in my blanket. And still, soft chilly breeze is flowing through my window. Some lights just lit up on the hill across. I wonder what do people do waking up this early. And this is quite strange, because even I'm wide awake... What ever it is, I'm sure they wont be writing something this stupid!! Lol!!
I finally changed the channel. Its MTV now. Strange songs!! Most of 'em, I've never heard before!! Come to think of it. I switch on the TV either to watch cartoons or Discovery and stuff or HBO/Star movies... Did i hear 'how boring' ?? Lol!!
Bike, hmm... Thats what I want to do!! Go for a ride, some where far!! Or may be all I really need to do is, to talk to some one/ any one, face to face!! But then, I suck at it!! Some how I can't tell any one how I feel!!
I'd rather be cracking stupid, not at all funny jokes, and make fum of myself. lol!! May be that's why I'm writing!! But i still am not sure if I'm writing what I feel. Or is it just some stupid non-sense coming right out of my head!!
Star Movies, hmm.... Living with a stranger. I kind of like this movie. The sky is absolutely cloudy again. I think its going to start raining again any moment!! I wish it doesn't. I don't think my mum would approve of me dancing in the rain at 4:15 in the morning!! Gosh!! Its 4:15!! Even if I don't sleep at this time, I do lay down on the settee with the lights, TV and lappy switched off. The lights are switched off though!!
Its 4:30 now. The site is still encountering some problem. I'm feeling a bit hungry now. Strange, but true. May be I'd get some cornflakes for myself!!
I'm still watching the same movie. Its the second time I'm watching it. He's on his way back home from the hospital. He looks so confused. What if I forget everything someday?? How would I feel? SUFFOCATED!! More than now. All 'strange' people trying to tell me how they are related to me. Would I trust/believe 'em?? I wont have ny other choice! God knows why I'm thinking this!!
Its 4:42 now. A few more lights lit up. Sanjauli is still as brightly lit, as at 8 in the evening!! The hill looks really amazing. The mist, adds to its perfection...
Perfection, as Kenny calls it, an 'illusion' !! Probably, because we can never be satisfied with anything our entire life!! may it it is just 'engraved on our DNA'!! Lol... You can call me a copy cat for that!! We always want more and better!! Probably that is why, I would like to quote(some one), 'we end up screwing the most PERFECT moments'!! Lol...
Its 5 now. And I fee like dancing!! lol.. I know I'm crazy!! And should be 'locked up in a mental asylum', as some one says!! lol... The sky has started to light up, I can hear the first bird sing, sitting on the plum tree outside!! It looks beautiful... Beauty, a word that is so true and untrue at the same time.. surreal....
Aah.. My granpa just woke up. I'd better be going and makin some tea for him. Later, I think I would go for a long walk. Long walk with dear old Doodle. Gosh! He'll be turning 11 this august!! Don't know how I'll live in the hostel without him. I must stop now...
What else do I say....
P.S. : If any one really read this, I'm sorry for the crap..
OK, its six, and I'm back from the walk. I don't think I have much to say now... Except fr , it was really beautiful...
bye.. and thank you fr going through this post!! Do leave a comment if you read this!!
4 comments:
well, "Hmmm......"
a lot to say n a lot to hear... its nice you wrote it all out for gives me a good enough idea of the state you are in... dear first of all what were ya doin up so late... you ought to be sleeping... also i know you wanted a change, n i advocated one... but this is not what you wanted nor i for the change we thought of was for happiness not this anger taking over you, sweet get a grip... i know you are strong n can fight off any situation... i know lately a lot of things are effectin you including my stupid acts sometimes and its hard to be normal with so much happening around...
dear jus want ya to be happy again... seems as if m also a part f this upheaval in your peaceful life ( sorry for that)
P. S.: Tyler Durden(Fight Club): Fuck off with your sofa units and strine green stripe patterns, I say never be complete, I say stop being perfect, I say let... lets evolve, let the chips fall where they may.
I don't even know where to start...seems like you had one of those nights where you just can't stop your mind from thinking....from downright bizzare to the most philosophical of stuff...but seriously you've got stop doing that too often, you think too much...n excess of anything can be bad for you!!
You'll go through a lot of times in your life when u'll wonder how much you've changed..and if it's for good or bad..but let it come and go as it comes...your procrastinating won't make it any easier...and maybe we'll never be satisfied, but till you get you want enjoy all that you have. When life gets too serious, just stop thinking and have fun!! (and of course get some sleep!!):P
P.S. : What were you so worried about?? We've got to talk abt that tonight...if it's ok with you.
ek number ki DUMBO
Its really hard to understand her.Theres always somethin goin in her mind.She has solution of every problem.She will never tell anyone abt her problem bt is always ready to solve others problem.As i always say its great to hav a friend like her.
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